Here we go!!!

Ok...I really can't believe that I'm doing this...but after encouragement from many friends I'm going to give this a shot. For those of you who don't know me well...here is a little background. My relationship with Christ is the most important relationship in my life....He truly is my strength, my hope, my guide! Unfortunately...you can't always see that in the choices I make...but I'm working on that. As for dating...wow...how to say this nicely...we can just call me a "late bloomer." I'll share more on that later but suffice it to say that there is a new me...and sometimes I still have to remind myself of that!!!!!

So why did I decide to blog about trying to make it though the world of dating? Honestly...some of it is purely selfish...writing helps me process my feelings and because I'm soooooo analytical it just helps me to make sense of what is going on....sometimes! The other reason is that most of the time I feel like I am totally and completely alone in my journey. I know if I feel that that there are others out there who struggle also...soooo feel free to share this...I'm leaving it open to everyone!

Now...here is the kicker....I am SOOOOOOOOOOO NOT the "lets be open and share all of our feelings" type. I am VERY protective of my heart and am usually very selective who I choose to let near to the raw side of my emotions. BUT...I've promised myself that if I am going to do this, I am going to do it uncensored. I'm taking yall with me through it all. There will be days that I'm joyful, angry, hopeful, confused..and everything in between. Just know that I'm going to be REAL about where I am. Some days my faith is stronger than others...I'm not going to try to be perfect...just HONEST!!!

As I prayed about starting this I had a very freeing and convicting moment with God. I have prayed for my husband since I was in the seventh grade....constantly. Prayed that he grow close to God, prayed for protection, prayed for his family...you name it I've prayed for it. A couple of weeks ago I was feeling very alone and just praying that God provide for me. I sometimes like to remind God of what I think I need and how my heart feels...as if he is ever unaware of that!!! As I reminded him....again...of the longing my heart has for a husband...he so gently and quietly told me that he knows...he understands...and he wants me to have that deep longing for HIM. How simple it seems...the God that created me and loves me so passionately that he allowed his precious Son to die for me...he wants me to yearn for HIM...FIRST!!!! Something I've always known...but it took me a while to totally get it. And what is even harder for me to comprehend is that he already has that longing for a deeper relationship with me. I'm amazed that the God that created this amazing, beautiful, ridiculously indescribable life longs for ME. Now...did he take away the longing...not even close...in fact I feel like he tousled my hair and said "I know child...I know." What more could I need...HE KNOWS!!!