10 Things

Growing up I had many days of questioning myself. Many insecurities. My mom used to make me say 5 nice things about myself for every bad thing I said. Well...I've said many not so uplifting things about myself/too myself today so here are a few GREAT things about me...

I have a HUGE heart!!! I love with all I have!

I am generous with my time, talent and fincances

I'm kinda cute!!!! I may not be a supermodel but I'm a pretty cute kid!!!!!

I'm trustworthy

I'm funny....I will make you laugh even if it is at me!!!!!

I'm strong...well I was once...I'm getting it back

I'm loyal...to a fault obviously...but If you're mine I've got your back

I've got just enough dynamite to keep things interesting

...ok I can only come up with 8...I owe you two!!!

I talked to a great friend tonight and had a bit of an "wow" moment. I still question myself. I question HOW I failed with him...HOW I gave him everything for a year and it still wasn't enough...I still see the pain from his past and wonder WHY my love wasn't enough...Why he didn't make the right choices to be who he told me he was...Why I wasn't enough!! While we were talking I told her that as stupid as it sounds I still love the man that I thought had my back...the man I thought had such a hard past..the man who convinced me that he loved me with all his heart...I still miss him. She asked me WHY....I said because I thought he was my ONE!! Then again Why....My answer...because I loved him so much...so completely....then the big one...."ok...YOU loved him....but what made HIM the right one for YOU. For the first time I really realized that in the end I can't tell you why...I loved him no doubt...but in the end...after everything...knowing what I know now...what makes him the one for me....not what I THOUGHT made him the one for me...but what today..what 3 months ago...heck what 6 months ago makes him the one for me....I can't answer....nothing makes him right for me...it doesn't change the hurt...it doesn't change what I gave...it doesn't change my shattered heart...but it gave me something to ponder. Things that make you go hummmmmm.....